JUST SAY NO TO MARRIED MEN
A blogger's crusade to promote fidelity!
JUSTSAYNOTOMARRIEDMEN.COM
I'm Just Saying - All You Mistresses Out There, It Could Cost You!!
Keep blaming the men if you want to:
Wife Sues Hubby's Mistress and Gets 9 Million for Heartache!
JUST SAY NO!!
Wife Sues Hubby's Mistress and Gets 9 Million for Heartache!
JUST SAY NO!!
Open Marriage - An Oxymoron?
Wikipedia definition : Open marriage typically refers to a marriage in which the partners agree that each may engage in extramarital sexual relationships, without this being regarded as infidelity.
So, is entering into a side relationship, having sex without guilt or jealousy something we should all embrace so that we can shorten our list of "deal breakers" when it comes to marriage? Do we stress too much, putting too much importance on who our mate chooses to share his/her body with, especially if we're married?
I, for one, do believe that infidelity is negotiable if both are willing to work on staying together. Most couples who've been married for decades state that one partner or the other cheated along the way, but they forgave for the sake of the relationship, and moved past it.
Some do not believe that monogamy is possible, and don't believe that anyone can go their entire life after saying I do, and only have sex with one person. That's why there are so many swingers, and also, so many open marriages. Much respect if two people agree and work it out amongst themselves. That's an amazing thing if it works. But the fact is that the arrangement of an open marriage amongst couples is definitely a minority preference.
Obviously, you only have to read the name of this blog, Just Say No To Married Men, and know that I encourage monogamy. I don't like the word extramarital. Why do you need extra? Isn't marital enough? And doesn't the word cheating imply that someone is not playing by the rules? Some say there are no set rules, that the standard wedding vows say nothing about a promise of fidelity to begin with. But I know one thing, in my unofficial poll I conducted on FaceBook today when I asked the question, "Are you open to an open marriage?" one hundred-percent, 22 out of 22, of those who replied said unequivocally, no! It wasn't very scientific perhaps, but it was fun.
If you're out there, all of you spouses who think it's okay for your spouse to sleep around as long as you know about it (and I'm not talking swingers), where are you? Which leads me to the question, why get married in the first place? Why not have a glorious time screwing around and having as many people as you want, and stay single?
Open marriages have been around forever. We're not simply seeing the holy part of holy matrimony decay now that it's the 21st century. The fact that Monique admitted to this is actually to be respected and applauded. She is bringing awareness to this way of thinking. Some think it and live it, but simply won't speak about it.
Here's a quote from Monique that was posted on another site: Let me say this: I have not had sex outside my marriage with Sidney. Could (he) have sex outside of his marriage with me? Yes. That's not a deal-breaker. That's not something that would make us say, 'Pack your things and let's end the marriage.' We've been best friends for over 25 years, and we truly know who we are. Oftentimes, people get into marriages and they don't know who they're laying next to. I'm very comfortable and secure with my husband."
It seems that Monique and others in open marriages don't think it's cheating that destroys marriages, but it's the lies and deceit that ruins things. Perhaps being up front is better than the shock and hurt of finding out later that they hid it from you. I can understand that. Honesty does go a long way, and I assume Monique and her husband discuss it ahead of time. If a wife agrees to the fact that tonight, while she's home alone, her husband is with his secretary at The W downtown, then I guess she really can't say much afterwards - she gave her approval. That takes a heck of a spouse to do that. Could you?
The bottom line is, if it works for the couple that's all that really matters. We need to seek out what works for us. And I refer back to the conversations I've had with many older couples who've been together for many years who agree with Monique that cheating does not always have to lead to, "Pack your things and let's end the marriage."
You must admit the topic is interesting and controversial. I know I'd have a ball writing a book about this subject. In the meantime, below is the link to Monique's story, and the comments from my cherished FB friends. Thank you, everyone, who took the time to post.
Oh yes, and it just goes to show that if we all JUST SAID NO TO MARRIED FOLKS in the first place, we wouldn't even be discussing this, now would we?
What's your opinion? Is "open marriage" an oxymoron? Are the words open and marriage contradictory? Good question!
Caio!
Link:
Are you open to an open marriage? (FaceBook replies)
Never. I believe marriage is a covenant between two people and God, not just a contract.
Hell, I am reluctant to get into a CLOSED ENDED marriage, let alone the COMMUNITY PROPERTY variety dubba M.
I agree.
Uh.... NO. Makes no sense whatsoever.
Sounds like an oxymoron 
no way
No bc if you want an open marriage why not just stay single and do whatever you want???
I am with xxx..and anyone else against it..It's the total opposite of what the word means...Blech!!! lol (relating to oxymoron comment)
Nooooooo way!!!! There are plenty of other ways to spice it up than to go to that extreme!!
Profoundly stated and true! (relating to oxymoron comment)
NOT!!
Hell NO!!
NO
UHHHHHHHH......NO!
Absolutely NOT!
That would mean that it's cool for both parties. I'm definitely not cool with my husband getting some from another woman. Because of that, no. Wouldn't work for me.
No, even if my wife wanted such an arrangement, I wouldn't engage in this behavior. It's dangerous and violates God's covenant. 
No.
I would like to hear from the guys!
NO!
NO!
Weee, Good call! LQI.... (relating to oxymoron comment)
The scorned other woman? Puh-leeeease!!
So, there's actually a woman, represented by attorney Gloria Allred, who wants Tiger Woods to apologize. I find that interesting! (and by the way, this post isn't so much about TW, whose infidelities we're all sick of hearing about, I know, as much as it's about individual responsibility in any situation that involves cheating). I'd like to know why all those "other women" didn't hold their own press conferences to apologize to Tiger Wood's wife for dating, screwing, sneaking, and cheating WITH her husband, knowing he was married. This woman in the above picture actually says his public apology was unacceptable to her, and that he must call and explain why he lied over and over. What the? Here's the link to the ridiculous story just in case you're interested:
http://www.popeater.com/2010/02/19/Gloria-allred-and-joslyn-james-to-tiger-woods-apology-unaccepted/
Anyway - whether a man is sloppy in his "other-women-handling" or not, the responsibility when it's all said and done rests upon the shoulders of each individual person who's involved in the cheating. Yes, the man who approached the other woman (or maybe she approached him, whatever) is at fault, but also it's the other woman/women who decided to go along with the affair. We women must be responsible for ourselves, and not cry out in the end as though we're victims because we fell for a man who got us all hormonally bonded through sex, and who offered broken promises of a future pipe-dream (no pun intended), and then have the nerve to hire an attorney to represent us as though we're owed something. In my opinion, the only person who can take someone to court is the wife, asking for alimony and child support, and in some situations, wives have sued the mistress - in one case once the husband left for the other woman, the wife sued and won $500,000, reasoning that the side-chick was the sole cause of her husband leaving, and that if it wasn't for this chick, her marriage would still be a happy one. Now I don't agree that any woman can make a man do anything, any more than a man can make a woman do anything - the chick didn't make him leave. But once a triangle is started, things get sloppy and all it takes is to get a jury's emotions stirred up once they hear of a few tawdry love letters and believe that this poor abandoned, now single mom has kids to support who will grow up in a broken home, and the jury's sympathetic verdict can spell payback and paycheck.
I think there's trouble in paradise for any husband or wife who decides to leave for another person in the first place. And I think they don't leave for the other person, they leave for themselves. It's one thing to cheat and stay, but to leave a spouse and kids cannot only be the fault of the mistress. Sounds like hubby was looking to leave anyway. Whatever happened to marriage counseling? At least try it. If that doesn't work, then leave. But we must try to keep our families together first. The easy thing is to leave, the hard thing is to stay.
Everyone needs to take responsibility for themselves. Bottom line, why get married if you want to have sex with more than one person? Oh, and that reminds me of another issue - open marriages. I'll address that next week.
Just Say No
Marriage Contract or Marriage Covenant by Deatra Pointer (Valentine's Day Guest)
Marriage Contract or Marriage Covenant
What if our Marriage Vows were declared as a Covenant more so than a Contract? Today's reading of traditional vows can be so rote. And some of the written vows I've heard lately have cut out all meaningful responsibility for and accountability to one another. But let's consider a marriage contract versus a marriage covenant.
A Contract is an agreement between parties which is legally binding. It consist of terms, conditions and obligations which mutually benefit all parties. Failure to meet or perform any of these terms and obligations, except by mutual agreement, can result in breach and voiding of contract.
Today's Translation: I agree to keep my part of the agreement, as long as you keep your part of the agreement. However, by mutual agreement or any failure of either party to keep all or part of the agreement, agreement will be declare void.
A Covenant is a pledge of alliance and commitment between parties. It is also legally binding and consists of terms and obligations which benefit all parties. The only breach or voiding of a covenant is through the death of one of the parties. Don't play with me!
Biblical Translation: These parties come into alliance for the mutual good of one another, at any cost. These parties have now assimilated into ONE and never again shall be seen as individual. All properties, rights, privileges and obligations that previously belonged to the parties as individuals are not the properties, rights, privileges and obligations of the ONE, until death alone shall separate them. Amen and so be it!
Matthew 19:4-6 He answered, "Haven't you read in your Bible that the Creator originally made man and woman for each other, male and female? And because of this, a man leaves father and mother and is firmly bonded to his wife, becoming one flesh—no longer two bodies but one. Because God created this organic union of the two sexes, no one should desecrate his art by cutting them apart."
The Covenant brings oneness, power, strength, protection, increase, and manifestations of God's Blessing to our marriage union. It has always been God plan for our lives. It was so important to Him He sacrificed His Son to seal His Covenant promise to us. Though we are not perfect and at best we've been unfaithful, God has never been unfaithful nor broken His promises to us. He is so forgiving and faithful. He knows our every weakness and still...He loves us. If we are in Christ Jesus, we can love one another with that same unselfish unconditional love.
Think about it! If these were the words we were taught from the time we were little boys and girls, if these were meditated on during our courtship, if these were the words that were expounded upon in our marriage counseling sessions, if these were the words we declared to one another on our Wedding Day, how wonderful and fulfilling our marriages would be. It just takes a decision, to make your marriage a covenant marriage. Make it today!
With God...all things are possible!
Dee Pointer, UTTERMOST EXHORTATIONS
"Through skillful and godly Wisdom is a house[ a home, a life, a family] built
and by Understanding it is established on a sound and good foundation. And by
Knowledge shall the chambers of every area be filled with all precious and
pleasant riches". Proverbs 24: 3-4
Freelance Writer and Poet Donielle Smith's Views on - "Dating a Married Man"
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DATING A MARRIED MAN By: Donielle A. Smith This particular subject is one that many people often distance themselves from. However, I’m a realist when it comes to my truthful opinion on such topics as this one. Ladies, whether you like it or not, dating a married man is forbidden in my book. Remember, not only will involving yourself destroy a family, but in the end it will also leave you with a negative reputation that is often hard to erase. A married man that shares both his wife and another woman enjoys having the best of both worlds, more so when it’s being accepted whether by the wife or by the other woman. In many cases both are victims in the middle of this crazy love triangle. I’m sorry to say, but much too often married women accept this type of behavior, mainly because of the following reasons: denial, financial status, children being involved, or loneliness. Despite the reasons, you should never feel that you are obligated to stay in a marriage, where the trust, respect, and communication are not present. By all means, you will only end up hurting yourself in the end. Furthermore, ladies accepting this type of behavior can very well lead to heartache and pain. In return it can leave a marriage never feeling the same.
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A Blogger's Commentary - and Please Don't Hit Me In the Va-Jay-Jay
Joy Behar and Kirstie Alley's Twitter Fight
Recently, a friend of mine told me she prefers dating married men because the relationship can be terminated at any point without too much push back from the man because he knows that at any point, his mistress has the recourse of telling his wife. Where's the trust? Someone you're making love to (excuse me, having sex with) only has to pick up the phone and tell on you and you know they probably will, so you moonwalk back home and you're on to the next one. I don't think the de-bonding is quite that easy.
I understand certain women find benefits in dating married men, one of them being the quick and easy exit, but also some women get the benefit of the man helping them out financially, some say the sex seems to be better when it's forbidden - these women know that if they back it up, flip it and rub it down, when the wife doesn't, that man will be thinking about them when he's with his wife, and desiring the other woman even more (I smell low self-esteem). I also know that too much sex bonds folks and that the single woman can get addicted to the magic wand and find herself looking forward to any time the married can spare just to break her off again. Most times she ends up falling in love, even though she watches him walk out the door headed home to get in bed with his wife. Some single women feel the married man might only have one other woman, but a single man who's their boyfriend, could have many other women. They assume it's more difficult for a married man to have many women. Well, all we have to do is look at The Tiger Woods Syndrome and know that's not true.
Recently there was a Twitter feud where Kirstie Alley allegedly insulted Joy Behar, saying Joy is a "self righteous cooz head" for getting on the cases of folks who cheat. Kirstie said cheating is between a husband and a wife, not TMZ and Joy "Bewhore" and that she wanted to bash Joy in the vagina with a microphone. Now I love Kirstie, but that's a bit extreme.
Yes, cheating is between the two parties involved, actually three, the mistress - - though as a society, we have the right to talk about religion, politics, love, racism, terrorism, parenthood, abuse, and any other topic we choose to discuss. If we simply shut up and say it's "their" business, how do we ever learn and explore and communicate about what's common and happening in the world, be it a cure for cancer or the best sex position, unless we talk about it?
I won't get into the private bedrooms of specific people, or speculate on what happens behind closed doors, though when drama ensues that is an indication of what's going on in our society, it is our right to think it through as it might relate to ourselves, or to those we love. And I don't want to get bashed in the vagina because of it.
As I stated, there are women who prefer married men. I understand that. When I talk to women with that preference, I ask them to think about the unsuspecting wife at home, and not just their own selfish pleasure. One women told me the wife is his responsibility, not hers. I think that's just tough talk. I don't believe that women would really prefer to bed down someone else's man, and that if the shoe were on the other foot, they'd want the other women to have been more respectful of the sanctity of marriage as well. I think most women prefer a monogamous man of their own. Now if you know he's cheating and don't care, and you're cheating too, then go right ahead - BUT WHY GET MARRIED? And I know some of those same women who'd be ready to fight a woman if she flirted with her man right in front of her at the local Walmart.
We women say we want one thing, when deep down perhaps we don't think we deserve better. Don't panic because you've been told there aren't enough men to go around. It's okay to be alone and single and unmarried and happy. No man is a whole hell of a lot better than a married man. Respect yourself and the wife. We need to honor each other more as women, and say no to men who want to get to know us so that he can have his greedy cake and eat it too.
Call me self-righteous, that's cool, I still say Just Say No To Married Men, and if you think it's like putting a band-aid on a gunshot wound, then so be it. I suggest you start your own blog if you can think of a better way to address the problem.
Meanwhile, even if one woman remembers to say no; this blog is well served. Until next time, ladies, don't share, (unless you're swinging) not knowingly anyway.
Most Cheating Husbands Get Involved With Someone Their Wives Know!
Who would've thunk-it? Most cheating husbands get involved with someone their wives know. The nerve! Who conducted that survey? Deciding to cheat and choosing your wife's friend, sister, cousin - Usually the woman is NOT better looking - Men are lazy when it comes to cheating. Well, all that's open for discussion. Thus, here's the article. Just Say No!
My Husband - Cheating With My Sister
REVENGE - Orcale's Charles Phillips on blast!!
Damn, he is handsome, but REVENGE, what? All that money spent in an elaborate plan to simply embarrass a man who you knew was married in the first place. Ya shoulda just said NO!
Okay, so, you're the other woman and he goes back to his wife - duh!!! Cheater or not, ladies, be responsible for yourself. You knew he was a snake when you let him in!!
Where do we draw the line? To what extreme would you go to get your EX back and for what amount of money?
24 FaceBook Friend comments - Is Tiger Woods Really a Sex Addict?
Okay so he's a Cheetah, but is he a Sexaholic?
Once again, I asked my amazing FB friends to comment on the below question about Tiger Woods and his alleged sex-rehab stay. I'm wondering if it's a way to gain sympathy after his tree-crashing episode a couple of months ago, or does he really have deep rooted issues that have caused him to find solace in an extreme amount of sexual encounters. They say once your life is out of control based on your choices about sex, that's a signal that one might be an addict. It gets progressively more risky and the person is never satisfied because it masks a bigger, deeper, more tragic problem. But my FB friends have voiced their valued opinions - some agree with me and some don't. Feel free to chime in as well - again, imagine if all of these women had Just Said No!
I need your help again on the next blog post please. Do you think Tiger Woods is really a sex addict, or is it just a P.R. move?
Thanks FB Friends!
I need your help again on the next blog post please. Do you think Tiger Woods is really a sex addict, or is it just a P.R. move?
1) Possibly, but everything has to have an official label these days ...
2) A PR MOVE THATS ALL.....
3) I believe he truly is a sex addict. I think the amount of women he allegedly has been with, the fact that most of the entanglements were unprotected (allegedly) speak to a person who is playing a very dangerous game and is therefore in need of help - in short an addict just like any other.
4) Yes he IS/WAS addicted to sex?
5) P.R all day
6) PR...if he's a sex addict then there are millions of other men that have the same ailment. He just needs to stop being greedy and learn how to keep his zipper up.
7) PuBiC relations move 4sho
8) P.R. move. Damage control all the way...
9) PR move
10) P.R for what? No. He has shown every sign that described a Sexual Addiction. He was not emotional connected to none of the females. It was all about his fantasy and fulfillment of his sexual desires. He was paying for sex. Role Play with a few of them. Anonymous Sex, he did not care who he ____!
A question we need to ask ourselves: Infidelity Is it an affair or sex addiction? Sexually addicted brains is different.
A question we need to ask ourselves: Infidelity Is it an affair or sex addiction? Sexually addicted brains is different.
11) Yeah I agree it is a PR move, But let's figure out for whom his wife? Paparazzis', the Tabloid Magazines he has a lot of $ to lose to give an idea for an example; now his kids are young- all his supporters have left him Gatorade, Buick...he is in worse publicity than Chris Brown at the moment so he has to save face and show his sincere apology...Yes it's a PR move Marissa. He's trying to save his marriage.
12) SMH. So are you saying that he rather have his sponsors back than seek help for something that could occur again & again unless treated? Ummmm interesting. It doesnt matter what companies dropped him, he still gets paid until the contract ends which that first one is 2012. It's hard to admit you have a sexual addiction.
13) No, When single guy like say when Derek Jeter was single, we just said he was a player, but when a guy is married like Eric Benet, he is a addict. I think he got married too quick for this point in his life.
14) No, it's not that HE made a billion dollars as a Golf Pro with the help of his endorsements A BILLION $ he went out of his contracts with a BANG!!! So I feel now that he is selling his self for more promotional opinions to the people that manage his personal & business affairs because Tiger Woods is the number one CLIENT they can still make money but they want him to be able to sell, that's is what I feel ...now he can watch WHO is still supporting...when he is down!
15) PR move....don't think Eric Benet was a sex addict either....
16) I agree with Michelle, its PR. But I think that any infidelity makes one a perfect candidate for counseling. There is a root somewhere and if its not addressed it will only grow.
17) If he is a sex addict then so r most of US... This behavior is so typical that if WE lived in the fish bowl everyone could see US 2...No one wants 2 talk about the prevalence of Adultery! All I really know about Tiger is that he can play some golf!
18) I don't believe in sexual addictions...truth be told we all like sex, Tigers problem is that he is married...period! Were it not for that, he'd be HNIC...getting all sorts of props and pats on his back...
19) What Tiger needs is JESUS.
20) Maybe! He needs a buddy to catch his overflow...lol!
21) They're pros and cons to everything. They are facts but how proven are the facts of this topic?...this more of the left-hand doesn't know what the right-hand is doing! What are the facts of sex-addiction in what examples are facts. The facts are told by the individual. Tiger Woods is PR!!
22) PR moved he really hasn't done anything but cheat on his wife. He hasn't killed anyone and every stole their life savings like our last President. I don't see what the problem is? Lmao A professional athlete is sleeping around don't they all do it? I never met him but he needs to get with a beautiful sister then he wouldn't need so many. Lmao We have a ... See Morehypocrite society anyway so why give it all this attention at least he is having sex with woman. If he was single there wouldn't be anything to discuss would it?
23) Can any one in this world say that they have not been caught with their hand in the cookie jar? Lets enjoy the good things that he has brought to the game of Golf...we all have secrest, try posting some of your in the windows of you life, and see what type of reaction you will get...Pray for him don't dog him out... LLG
24) I I've told all my secrets to the 2 people that matter most in my live: GOD & HUBBY
Thanks FB Friends!